Sleepless
by cartwheels
Summary: Summer spends another sleepless night. S2 fic.
1. Sleepless

Disclaimer: I don't own the OC. But the characters in this story own my soul.

I have never written anything like this before.

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_Shopping with Coop. That green dress she has seen at the mall yesterday. _

_The dates she has to memorize for the history quiz tomorrow. _

_The romantic movie she has watched with Zach on Saturday. _

Nope. No sappy romance.

Something else.

_The lunch date her dad has promised her for the next weekend._

There must be something.

Just anything else.

_Counting sheep._

Oh well. That hadn't even worked when she was four.

But she wanted so badly to occupy her mind with something else. Something that would ease her into sleep. Something happy. Something carefree. Anything but this one thing that kept creeping back into her mind. She didn't want to think about it. And she certainly didn't want to dream about it. Forget it. That's what she wanted. Why the hell did she still have to think about it? That was not how it was supposed to be.

After tossing and turning in her bed for like the millionth time that night, Summer sighed deeply. It felt like the millionth time, too.

It wasn't always like that. Most of the time she did extremely well in avoiding to think about stuff she didn't want to think about.

That was, after all, what she had done for the longest time in her life.

She didn't think about the fact that her mum had left her because she didn't love her enough. She didn't think about the fact that her daddy might care more about his job and his new wife than he did about her. She didn't think about the fact that all those 14-year-old jocks actually liked Marissa better and just came onto her because they thought she was easy.

She didn't think about all of that.

It was easier that way.

She used to be good at it.

She was _still_ good at it.

Most of the time, that is.

But now there were nights when all of her great self-protection mechanisms failed. And tonight was one of them. She didn't even know why. There hadn't even been a special cause today. Nothing else than the usual. Still, tonight she had been laying awake for hours now and she couldn't deny those thick, silent tears that had been flowing into her pillow. Her bottom lip probably looked all gross because she had bitten it pretty ruthlessly when trying to stop those tears from falling. She did not want to cry, not even in the dark where no one could see it. But she couldn't help it, either. All of those attempts to distract her thoughts with something else had been in vain. They couldn't keep her from thinking about him.

God, she hated him.

She really, really wanted to hate him.

She wanted him to vanish from the face of the earth and forget he ever existed.

_Lord, she didn't even know what she really wanted._

She had a boyfriend to think about on her sleepless nights.

She didn't want to think about _him_.

She still felt her knees go weak and her heart beat faster when she thought about last year. She had had a lot of sleepless nights around the same time last year, too, when she had first gotten to know him. Really know him. Sure, she had known him almost all her life but not like he had known her. And he wasn't like those idiots who just wanted to hook up with her while secretly raving about someone else. He really, _really_ liked _her._ Not only for her looks and even though she was mean to him all of the time. Like that day, when she had turned him down because those cheerleaders passed their table. He had looked so hurt and she had wanted to say yes so badly. That was the same day she had been to his room for the first time. She had met Captain Oats and later they had been flirting all afternoon. Despite all the drama with Coop and her mum and everything else she had enjoyed every second of that adventure because of him. She had never ever had butterflies in her belly before. Because of the way some boy looked at her. Why hadn't she ever noticed before how cute his crazy hair and his adorable dimples and his lopsided grin were?

_God, how had her thoughts ended up here again?_

Then after that whole Anna debacle was over and they had gotten together for real she had never felt happier in her whole life. Because of geek boy Seth Cohen. Her former friends mostly mocked her but she didn't care. She had liked him _so much_. She had noticed a few girls eyeing him differently after the coffee cart thing but when that happened she just grasped his hand a little tighter without seriously worrying. She knew he wanted _her_. They were special. He was special and he made her feel special, too. What they had was special. It had felt real.

_She didn't know what he wanted now. _

He was with that Alex chick now. But being with Zach didn't keep _her_ from laying awake and thinking about_him_, either.

_She wanted to sleep. Badly. _

She didn't know what made her more upset these days (Not that she would admit to being upset at all to anyone in the first place. She was doing mighty great.). She didn't particularly enjoy seeing him together with this other girl that wasn't her. And by not particularly enjoy she meant that she hated that girl. Fiercely. She had always been proud of keeping her façade in situations she felt hurt, though. Something her parents and old friends had taught her well. And she did a really good job.

But those other moments were just as bad in their own way. Those moments when she caught him looking at her. With that look. That special look that she knew so well. The one he had given her last year, too, in their most intimate and private moments. That look that had made her tingle from had to toe. That had made her kiss him and hold him and press herself into him. That had made her…

Argh 

_She needed to stop this._

She knew she was supposed to stop thinking about the boy that had broken her heart and to start thinking about her actual boyfriend. The boy who luckily didn't hold the power to ever do anything similar to her. Because of the same reason that she couldn't bring herself to forget about everything that was supposed to be over for a long time.

_Because she was still so in love with him._

Luckily, she hadn't even told him that back last year. She knew it was stupid and crazy and irrational and all other kinds of bad things. But tonight was one of those nights when she couldn't deny it. It was one of those nights when - instead of calling her boyfriend like every normal girl would do when laying awake at night - she would get up and walk to her closet. There she would rummage in one of the deepest corners until she would pull out one of Seth Cohen's old novelty shirts. Then she would get back into bed, lay down, press her face into said shirt and inhale deeply.

It was kind of a miracle that that shirt still smelled of him as it had gotten damp with tears on more than one occasion over the last months. Somehow, though, it still did.

And she would fall asleep like this eventually. These sleepless nights always ended like this. With her face pressed into his damp shirt, smelling him and thinking about how it had felt when they had been together. How his lips had felt upon hers, how his tongue had felt against hers, how his lips and hands had caressed every single part of her body, how his breath had felt on her skin, how his body weight had felt against her, how his arms had held her close to him when he had loved her.

And as usual, shortly before falling asleep, she was hit with the same realization. She had been wrong earlier in the night.

She actually did know what she wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: They own me, I don't own them.

Thank you so much for your reviews! To be honest I had the first chapter of this written on my computer for almost two months and it was never supposed to be...anything. But then yesterday, I decided to just post it. Honestly, I was surprised/thrilled to get any reviews at all. Some were asking if there was more to it. Well, as I said, it was unplanned. Now, I'm kind of motivated to add more but a) I don't have much time and b) it's not like there is any creative plot to it. And I, myself, usually prefer stories that are planned out by the author beforehand. So I don't know. I'll maybe write more - if only for myself - because I am interested the emotions and I do have some scenes in my head but please don't expect it to be very original. It's all already been done.

I'm sorry about heavy mistakes. English isn't my mother tongue.

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"So, what about a little shopping today after school? I need a new dress for that party my mum and Caleb make me go to on Friday. I think it needs to be extra short and provocing."

"Huh?"

"The dress for that Newpsie party? I want to embarass my mum the best way possible."

She had no idea what Coop was talking about. She had no idea what anybody was talking about today. Didn't they _see_ that she was tired?

No, of course they didn't. Because even if she failed to supress certain thoughts and memories at times, she sure as hell still knew how to make herself look good even when she was feeling anything but.

If only Zach stayed away from her today. She really couldn't face him this morning.

There was only one thing worse than having to handle your perfect boyfriend after a night of desperate crying over some other jackass.

Only one thing worse and exactly that one thing was standing a few feet down the hall, talking to that blond chick that seemed to be his girlfriend now. Or fling. Or whatever. She seriously, _seriously_ didn't want to think about it.

Blond she was. And cool. Just like Anna had been. That's probably why he liked her. She was probably really smart, too. Too smart to even need school. He must love that. Some smart, pretty, blond indie chick who shared his interests in music and whatever. And to top it all she was totally cool, working at a bar and stuff. What was she even doing here at school? Probably dropping him off here in the morning...

…Ugh..

Her bottom lip was still all sore from last night. _This_ was the last thing it needed right now. She had to get away from here.

"Sum…Su-um!"

"Huh?"

"Are you coming to the party with me or not? You can bring Zach if you want."

"Uh…yeah…sure. Should be fun, right?"

"Okay. Come on. We need to talk" Marissa took her wrist and pulled her into the next classroom. "What the hell is up with you today? You are totally out of it since I picked you up and I think you might start bleeding any second if you keep that biting thing going on any longer."

"What? I'm fine. Just a little tired, okay? Everyone is allowed to have a bad day once in a while. You do, too."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." She did _not_ want to talk about it. At all. It was stupid.

Marissa studied her closely one more time but then let it go. "Okay"

"Good."

"Good."

She couldn't even tell Marissa. Nobody knew just how much this whole thing affected her. As far as everyone else was concerned she had gotten over Cohen months ago when she had started dating Zach. Just like she was supposed to. Nobody knew just how much she had really cared for Seth, nobody knew how deep their connection had been. Nobody knew that she had been _in love_ for the first time in her life. And there was no way in hell that anybody was going to know that she still was.

It was pathetic. And pathetic wasn't anything Summer Roberts did.

Still this morning kept on getting better and better. Just when Marissa had turned around the corner and she herself had set off in the opposite direction she had to bump into Mr Jackass himself.

Bump. Into. Him.

God.

What had she done to deserve this?

She. Did. Not. Need. Him. To. Touch. Her.

"Hey Sum. How are you?"

"Great." Just great. Except that I'm this close to a heart attack thanks to you and your stupid, awkward, lanky body. But other than that great.

"Good. That's good. I'm fine, too, just in case you were going to ask."

No, I wasn't going to ask. I have seen how great you are just ten minutes ago.

"Yeah." She smiled.

Oh, she was so good at this.

"So, I just saw you with Alex down the hall. Things are going good for you two?"

She deserved a prize.

"Yeah. Yeah, things are really good." She couldn't look him in the eyes. "And you and Zach? Newport's most beautiful couple?"

Was he _trying_ to piss her off?

"We're great. We're going to that Newpsie party with Marissa on Friday."

God. That was the best she could come up with? Trying to make him jealous by telling him they were visiting a party together? A Newpsie party?

Yeah, that was gonna do it.

Whatever _it_ actually was.

"Great. Have fun."

If she heard or said the words _great_ and _good_ one more time this morning she was going to snap. She couldn't think of any terms that were more inappropriate for anything concerning her than these two.

"Okay. So, I have to go to class now. See you." Hopefully not.

"Yep, see you." He smiled and turned around.

How could he smile? What was there to smile about?

Why. The. Hell?

He needed to leave right now. Before she was going to either hit him or press herself into him and burst into tears.

It was probably going to be a mixture of all of it.

She didn't know how he did it. How he still held that power over her. But she hadn't snapped once in the previous months and she wasn't planning on letting anyone in on her true feelings now. And certainly not him.

So she smiled, too. Still not meeting his eyes.

And she didn't lose it until he had turned his back to her and started walking off. Then her face fell and her eyes clouded. She couldn't help it. She was tired and hurt and confused and he had smelled so familiar and she missed him _so much_.

Just don't turn around. Don't. Turn. Around.

But then he did turn. And their eyes met for the first time that day. And she saw that he didn't smile anymore, either. And that his eyes wore the same expression as hers. And that he saw it, too. And that he felt it, too. And they held each others' gaze for a long time, both knowing what no one else knew.

And she only turned away when she felt the first tear actually threatening to fall. She was not going to cry at school. Not where anyone could see it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

Disclaimer: See Chapter 2.

I'm still not really sure about posting this because there_ is_ no real plot and I'm probably not going to add some exciting new storyline to it, either. I'm not really into contrived plots, this is more like a journey into the characters' (Summer's) emotions, a study if you will, more or less following the events of the show. I have fragments of similar things started for other times of the show, too. I'm only telling you now so you won't be disappointed about it later. It's like putting into written words what I've always thought the characters felt while watching.

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She just didn't get him.

Not that that was something completely new.

She had never gotten certain things about him. Like his music or those stupid shark movies.

But she had gotten _him_. They had gotten each other.

Or so she had thought.

Then she had thought that it had all been part of her imagination. That it hadn't been special. That it hadn't been real. That he hadn't liked her the way she had liked him.

How else could he have gotten over her like this?

He had only been looking for an easy way to get away from her. So he had left.

She had been fooled.

He had always prefered blonds.

And then he had to look at her like this. Like maybe it had been all true after all. He _had_ felt the same way about her. And he remembered.

_And she couldn't stop thinking about that fucking look for almost a week now._

And then Marissa had to come over with this story. About how Alex was gay and her and Seth had broken up. Gay. She was gay. And they had broken up.

Was she happy? Was she gleeful?

Well, that's what she had told Marissa. And herself. She _was_. She _was_ gleeful.

But she was also disappointed. She wouldn't say that, though.

Deep, deep down, somewhere in the darkest corner of her heart, she would have secretly wished it had been because of her and the look they had shared.

Obviously, it hadn't meant the same for him. Like always.

God, she was so stupid.

She needed to stop looking for signs in everything he did. And he needed to stop looking at her like that.

Her head really, really hurt from thinking that much.

She was going to spend the evening with Zach. _He_ was the one she was going to think about. _He_ was great. He was popular among her old crowd, he was good looking, well mannered, he came from a good family, he played water polo, he treated her perfectly, her dad loved him, he…

Yeah…

If only she didn't have to kiss him.

Summer Roberts didn't enjoy kissing some random guy.

Someone should have told her that one and a half years ago.

Though, she had never _really_ enjoyed that kissing back then, either. It had just been part of the game. Or whatever. But this boy wasn't even random. He was her boyfriend, for God's sake. She was _supposed_ to enjoy it. Kissing your boyfriend was something that was required from the public.

And he didn't even really try to press her into doing anything else. It was almost weird. Not that she had complained so far but still.

What was wrong with him?

She _was_ hot.

Well, she could ask the same question about herself.

The kisses they shared seriously weren't that intimate most of the time. But when he did tentatively shove his tongue in her mouth, she just didn't feel anything. It didn't _feel_ like anything. Like forgetting everything around you. Like forgetting your name and everything else you ever knew. Like being completely lost.

With Zach, there was just like a tongue in her mouth. Which was kind of gross when you thought about it.

She didn't feel anything else anywhere else.

She was pretty sure that that was supposed to be different.

No, she was completely sure that that was supposed to be different. She _knew_.

It wasn't that she thought he was gross. But still. She just didn't really need to kiss him like that all too often.

She remembered that she had once read something about "kissing somebody and meaning it". She actually thought that she understood that.

It was pretty much the same with the touching. Again, she wasn't grossed out by him or anything. But she didn't _really_ need his hands on her bare skin, either. She didn't care to feel _his _skin.

She had to sleep with him eventually, though.

She had told Marissa she was ready. Which was ridiculous because only the thought of…

But she had to.

Everybody did it with their new partner.

Obviously.

But she was not going to go into that.

She was going to spend the evening with Zach. And she was going to enjoy it because he was her boyfriend and he was great.

That's what she had honestly planned when she had gotten out of the house and into her car. She had been almost half the way to his house when she had made a wrong turn and ended up here.

She parked in a shadow and watched what was going on in the driveway. She observed Lindsay arriving and disappearing into the house.

_They_ had made it work. The break up. _They_ had moved on. And they had been "so in love". But Ryan was obviously happy with Lindsay and Marissa didn't seem to mind at all.

So, what was wrong with _herself_? What the hell was _she_ doing here?

She didn't _seem_ to mind at all, either.

And as the hours moved on, Lindsay left and more and more lights went off inside the house.

Only one person didn't seem to find any sleep.

_He_ was probably mourning over his break up with the bar chick.

She had to drive home.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: In my heart but not in my possession.

Thank you again so much for reviewing. It really makes me happy. If you think it's rubbish that's okay, too. I'll just keep on writing it for myself, anyway.

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Failed again. The story of his life.

Sometimes he actually wished he was Ryan. Okay, without all the family background of course. But other than that.

Ryan was capable of moving on to a happy, healthy, normal relationship after a break up.

All _he_ managed to do was to get with a girl who would shortly afterwards dump him for another girl.

Women really, really hated him. Water polo players did, too, by the way.

It wasn't that he was particularly upset about the break up with Alex itself but his pride was hurt. He would get over that, though. The relationship (it was kind of odd to even call it such) had not been all that…deep. She was fun and he needed to kind of break out for a little while. Blow off some steam.

She had been quite forward on the physical front once they had started dating. But she had backed off just as quickly when she had realized that he wasn't really…into that. He thought that she had understood. Like for real. She _was_ pretty cool.

He hadn't been scared of _her_ breaking up with him every day of their relationship.

Like he had last year. With her.

There hadn't been a single day when he hadn't been horrified by the thought that _she_ might notice all those better guys that were out there waiting for her.

And when Ryan had left he knew it was inevitable. His cover would have been blown in no time. And he wouldn't have been able to face that. So he had left. He had never been the brave type. Hide and seek, _that_ was his game.

Yes, he had screwed up. He hadn't meant to hurt her. Really, he would never ever mean to hurt her. That was and had been the last thing on his mind.

But he had been right after all. It had taken her almost no time at all to forget him and move on to a perfect, water polo playing, well built, non mumbling, non awkward, parent-friendly new boyfriend.

Only that his plan had failed and he did have to face it.

And it sucked. Big time.

Still.

But what was he to do?

She was happy. So he should be happy for her, too, right? That's what you did when you really cared about someone, right?

And he really, really, _really_ cared. Really.

A certain plastic horse on his chest could tell about it.

Feelings like that didn't just go away.

He had always known that she didn't feel as strongly about him as he did about her. You seriously couldn't have expected her to. Although, sometimes, there had been moments when he couldn't have helped but hope a little. When she had looked him straight in the eye and it had seemed like she really got him, when she had kissed him like she seriously meant it, when she had laid here with him on his bed, her arms around him and her face pressed into his neck. Then, sometimes, he had let himself believe it.

_Couldn't Captain Oats change the subject already? He needed some help here._

But he hadn't been all that special to her. Her new relationship made that more than clear.

He just wished he didn't have to see it every day.

And he really wished he didn't have to actually, literally run into her. Like last week. Like he needed to be reminded of how she felt and what she smelt like.

Because he didn't. Nope. He remembered perfectly fine.

And she looked prettier every day. It was nearly impossible but she did.

And that was why, when he had already went off, he just _had to_ turn around and get another glimpse of her.

She had still been standing on the same spot where he had left her, watching him. And she had looked _so_ sad. He hadn't noticed before because he had avoided to meet her eyes but now he had almost thought that she might start to cry any second. His heart, that had only slowed down again recently after calming down from the collision, had picked up immediately. She had looked so pained he had almost started to cry, too. And in that moment he had understood. She had felt the same. They had felt the same.

He had been ready to run and break it off with Alex that very afternoon. Not because he had been convinced Summer would do the same with Zach. It had just felt like the right thing to do.

Captain Oats had been with him completely.

Ryan hadn't.

He had said he needed to come to his senses. Then he had forced a game of play station onto him that lasted the rest of the day.

The next day at school he had watched Summer with Zach. Holding hands.

And he had come to his senses.

Because, it's not even like he hadn't tried to win her back before. He had. He had been desperate. Literally. He hadn't minded making a complete fool of himself.

He had climbed up on that stupid hot dog stand and declared his love for her. And he had meant it. And she had gone home with her shiny new boyfriend.

It's really not like that had been his happiest hour, either.

_Boy, no._

So, what was he supposed to do?

_Maybe mourn about the break up with the girl that had left him just yesterday? Maybe think about her for a moment?_

By now, everybody was asleep in the house and he just didn't know what else to try to finally do the same. He had already spent several hours drawing in the afternoon, talked with Captain Oats about all his problems and listened to his favorite Death Cab CD. Listening to music didn't really prevent him from too much thinking, though. And way too many songs reminded him of things he had already thought through enough for a lifetime. So all those things were a 'no'.

He could go and wake Ryan but _he_ would probably kill him. Especially when he heard what he wanted to talk about. So he better no try that.

He contemplated fishing for a certain item that lay hidden under his bed. Even further hidden than his drawings. That thing always helped to calm him down and fall asleep. It was like a drug. He tried not to do that so often, anymore, though.

So, in the end, he decided to just get up and take a walk. He had always been the sporty type.

_Yeah._

After switching off the light in his room, he tapped downstairs quietly and opened the front door. And just in that moment he heard a car start and drive down the road, away from their neighborhood.

It seemed familiar but it couldn't have been.

It wouldn't make any sense.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Seth and Summer own one another. They were invented by Josh Schwartz.

I have finished the story and it went a little differently than I had planned. It's Christmas and some of you seemed to think it wasn't that bad so I think I'm going to post the rest for a couple of days. As I already said, I know it's nothing special, just something _I _wanted to do, but there is a big part of my heart in it.

Update (February 2008): Due to a computer crash I have lost what I had written for this story. Since I wasn't too happy with my ending to begin with I will probably write a new one and post it sometime this month.

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_Yes. _

_No._

_Yes._

_No._

_Yes._

She was going to do it. She didn't plan for anything more to come out of it. But she needed to do it.

She was going to do it because over the previous days, maybe even weeks, she had come to the one realization that she was no longer angry. She still didn't understand it and she was still very, very, _very_ hurt. But she was no longer angry. She had been furious when she had gotten his letter. Then she had missed him. Then she had felt hurt. And then she had been seriously, _seriously_ angry again. And hurt. And missing him. But still angry.

His return had made things even worse. It had nearly killed her to see him again and she had wanted to hurt him just as badly as he had hurt her. Which had been the point where Zach had come into the game for real. And her plan, if you could call it that, had worked.

He _had_ seemed kind of pained. But seriously, what had he expected of her?

Shortly afterwards there had been the incident that had turned out to be the sad highlight to all that drama. Gladly, she had erased it from her mind completely. She wasn't going to think about it ever again.

_Because that worked so well with all the other things concerning him, too. _

It had been at the carnival. Standing on a hot dog stand, he had told her - and everyone else – that he loved her.

_She wasn't sure if it was the best or the worst memory of her life._

She had almost believed him, she had _wanted_ to believe him so badly. But she wasn't going to.

She. Was. Not. Going. To. Put. Herself. Out. There. Again.

She was not going to get fooled again.

He had looked devastated.

_Yeah, she was not going to think about it ever again. _

Now, some weeks later, she felt no longer angry. Incidents of her sleeping with his shirt every other night, of her nearly starting to cry when running into him, of her spending three days home from school, supposedly ill, because he was sleeping with another girl, of her stalking him from her car in front of his house – yeah, incidents like these had made her realize something.

She still had plenty of reason to hate him.

But she didn't.

She just missed him. And she wished that things could go back to the way they had been before.

_She wanted him. Back. She wanted him back. She wanted nothing else but to be held in his arms. _

She was back at square one.

She knew, though, that that wasn't going to happen. He had obviously moved on and he had clearly not felt the same way in the first place, anyway.

Still, the way things had developed, someone else was now getting hurt as well.

And she was not going to keep doing that. She was going to end it. He deserved someone who wasn't mentally instable.

Not someone who was sitting by their window in the middle of the night, staring out into the dark.

The vanishing of her anger had gone hand in hand with the loss of her sanity. Or at least her indifference towards him that she had made believe everyone around her. Including herself.

And these sleepless nights were getting more and more frequent. In the summer she had been able to push her feelings away for longer periods of time. But it wasn't working anymore.

She was back to thinking about him 24/7.

She was going crazy. She even already imagined seeing him everywhere.

She really, really needed some sleep.

There was a boyfriend she had to break up with and a heartbreaking asshole (well, what _was_ she supposed to call him?) she had to avoid tomorrow.

A clear mind was needed.

One that wasn't fantasizing about things that weren't real and one that wasn't hallucinating people that weren't there.

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People went to prison for doing what he did here.

He was creepy. Ryan would surely agree on that. Maybe even Captain Oats would. If he wouldn't be missing Princess Sparkles all that much. Not that they had ever met, yet. But he had heard all about her and he wanted to meet her. So, yes, Oats understood. That had to be enough for him.

Other people had agreed on his creepiness since he was five, anyway. It was nothing new.

They had called him out on it since his first day of school. Day after day. Year after year. Although, to be honest, he hadn't really cared that much. First of all, he actually _was_ glad to be different from all those morons and secondly – and more importantly – he had always only cared about one person's opinion.

She had thought he was creepy, too.

It had taken him years to convince her that he wasn't.

And it had been worth every day of longing for her attention.

She had been worth everything.

When he had seen that look in her eyes after he had told her that it had always been her for him, when she had told him that she had given _him_ her virginity, when she had taken his hand in a crowded hallway between classes for the first time, then she had been worth every shitty thing that had ever happened to him.

When she had learnt Hebrew to impress his Nana, when she had kissed him and let him caress her perfect body, when she had touched and caressed him back, when he had sat with her in her living room on the couch, holding her hand and watching Dirty Dancing for the millionth time.

When she had teased him and insulted him, when she had bantered with him and challenged him.

When she had let him see her soft and vulnerable side.

She had been worth _everything_.

And you couldn't really blame him for sitting here in the bushes, watching her pace around in her room in the middle of the night, wearing a T-shirt that was way too big on her and made her look even more cute than she already did.

You couldn't really blame him. He loved her.

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